Another Year Older & out from under the rubble…

…Or so I always seem to think.  Every single year on my birthday, I’m convinced that things will get easier.  I didn’t cry for 28 straight years.  Then, I got married, had children, began working for myself, and now I can’t remember the last time that I didn’t cry.  It’s definitely not all sad tears, tears of joy are definitely in the mix, coupled with tears of frustration, defeat and fear of the unknown.  I also think so much has happened in such a short period of time and I’m trying to accomplish so much that my emotions haven’t had a chance to catch up.  Crying is the easiest solution.
I spent most of my twenties detached from anything that would make me feel any emotion.  I stuck with things that were easy for me, this way I would never be disappointed.  My corporate and government jobs were always defined by a job description.  As long as you followed that job description, you never had anything to worry about.  Now, I have no real job description and I feel like I’m throwing myself into the Lion’s den every chance I get.  It’s like I’m making up for lost time.  It’s much easier for me now though, now I know not to take things personally and not to react.  I get a high from imagining what it would be like, and then actually going out and doing it, instead of always wondering what it would be like and not doing anything.
Every single year, on my birthday, I think about what my Mother thought about when she turned that age.  At my age, she had four kids, two who were just barely two years old.  I can’t even begin to fathom how she dealt with it all.  She was always the one who told everyone I was going to be on TV, going to be a model, going to be an actress…it’s hilarious to think that she was sort-of right even though my personality as a child would never ever bring you to that prediction.  Every single time someone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, she would answer for me, “she’s going to be an actress, right my Julie-etta?”  I would smile and shrug my shoulders because I never wanted to disappoint her.  Fast-forward 30 years and I’ve done TV, acting and modelling.  It’s wild how the universe works.
Thinking about that is what inspires me to reach beyond my wildest dreams, because no matter how ridiculous it may sound, if you say it enough, and if you believe it enough, it might just happen.
I’m going to go easy on myself this year and start accepting that I am at the most difficult stage in my life.  I’m welcoming this New Year with open arms and I’m going to continue to smile and remain hopeful that things will get easier.
(I literally wrote this entire post from my two-year-olds’ bed as I’m trying to put him to sleep…because at this stage of life, inspiration hits at the most impromptu times.)
With Love,
Julie